If you have been following my Facebook or
snapchat, then you are aware I’ve made the leap to go back to school. I am
sitting here in New Mexico, the night before classes and my work study starts,
writing this blog. I sit here excited, scared, happy, sad, hopeful and fearful,
all at the same time. The last three days I have participated in numerous new
student orientation stuff. Not to my surprise or yours, it is all geared toward
Freshman. With that being said, I have felt very out of place at times. I have
been having a pity party for myself since Saturday.
“I’m too old for this.” “I don’t fit in
with these people.” “Maybe I made the wrong choice.” “I should have already
graduated by now; I’m so behind.” These
are the thoughts I have had to fight off. Coupled with the anxiety of adjusting
to this new place, I felt terrible inside. I have been happy too. I’ve smiled and
laughed. I’ve daydreamed of my future here at ENMU. But sometimes negative
thoughts can be too powerful, you know?
I then began to reason with myself. And
this reasoning I think can be applied to any area in life that you have those
types of thoughts.
1. There is no
sense in comparing myself to others, who have had other circumstances that have
led them to where they are. A friend shared a quote with me. “Comparison is the
thief of Joy.”- Teddy Roosevelt. And let me tell you, that hit home for me!
2. I decide where I fit in.“If I fits, I sits.”
I can make this experience whatever I want it to be. So I am choosing to fit
in. I am going to break out of my comfort zone. I have realized that when you
feel uncertain and uncomfortable in some situations, that’s the feeling of you
growing as a person. We have a very limited time here on Earth and being
complacent with what we know, instead of forcing ourselves to grow and
experience new things seems like a waste of that time.
3. Lastly, it’s never too late.
I don’t even need to expand on that anymore. As cliché as it is, it’s so true.
I had a set of circumstances that ruined
what I thought my life was going to be. I was going to a 4-year University
straight out of High School. I would have been done with Grad school by now. I
had it all figured out. Then life happened. Life. Hit. Hard! I could have given
up completely, but then I wouldn’t have made it to the carnival.
If you’ve not seen Love, Simon, you need to
do that right now. Also, you may want to stop reading right now. Spoiler alert.
The film was done beautifully and has so many messages. I took one very
important take away. Not everyone makes it to the carnival. Without spoiling
too much, I’ll just say the main character finds himself at odds with all the
people closest to him. He is dealing with something so hard and doing it
practically alone. At the end of the film, some things turn around, and he
makes it to the carnival. He gets his happy ending. But some people don’t. When
life gets that rough when you feel all alone, and out of place in the world,
you don’t make it to your happy ending.
While ENMU is not my ending, but a new
beginning, it is my Carnival. I held on for so long. I am pursing something
that I wanted since I can remember. Of course, its uncomfortable at times, but
the reward will be so worth it. I am picking up where I left off, and just have
some life experience with me.
