A letter to me, from me.

Self,

Depression is real. It sucks. At times it feel like it's the only thing you will ever know. Suicide. Also real. And you're going to attempt it. Going to think of it often, even. But as time passes and you overcome each life obstacle, you are going to find more reasons to want to be alive. But you have to be living to find those reasons out. 

16. Whoa. 16 is going to be tough for you. High School. Relationships. Death. It's a rough one. But 21 is going to be even harder. At 21, you'll attempt suicide 3 times.You wanted to end your pain. To let depression and anxiety win. Almost became a mortality statistic. 

If I could go back in time, I'd tell you a few things.I'd tell you that its going to be okay. Now many people will tell you this, and you won't believe it. But they are right. I'd tell you that every loss, every heartbreak, every betrayal and every disappointment will mold you into an amazing, unique and worthy individual. I would tell you that one day the fear of the unknown becomes less and what remains turns into excitement. I would tell you to make almost exactly every choice the same again, because one day it will lead you down the path you've been fighting for. I wouldn't tell you what it was, even though its what you desire most. You wouldn't believe me anyhow. At 16,18,21 and even 25, I never imagined my, our, life to be going in this direction. 

The single most important thing I would tell you is to never give up. Never. You are going to make your mark on this world. You will find your purpose which you have searched so long for. You will travel all over, looking to find it. And its in a place you'd never expect it to be. One day, you will want to live. Many days you woke up wanting to die, but I promise, someday, that will be a feeling of the past you. And when you start feeling the will to live, its going to be a big change for you.The feeling will take your body over and release many emotions. You will cry. But these tears will not be like tears of the past. They will be tears of joy. You have this passion burning inside of you at 27. When you think of what the future holds, it is no longer dark and worrisome, it is bright and full of possibilities. Death will never seem satisfying again.